2AM NOTES and THOUGHTS

I stare aimlessly at the starry night sky. I see the moon--all bright, shining on the rest of the city by the light emitted by the sun. I stare and stare until I realized the moon is me. And the sun is you.

You used to make me feel that you shine because I shine on you.

Truth is, I rely on your light, I shine because you shine on me.


Sometimes, I have this feeling that the entire universe is conspiring to break me.
You and I should have never met.
But we did, and I am broken all over.

2 AM FEELS

Reality

In your twenties you learn that you never really become an adult, just that people start expecting you to act like one. So you start pretending to be grown up, even though you still feel like a scared little child.   

And if you’re smart, no matter how good you get at playing the adult, you won't forget that underneath it all, at any age, you are always a scared little child, with no real idea of what you are doing.  That way, you will forgive yourself easier when you screw up, become afraid, act weak, and hide from truth.  For these things will also always be with you.  

And that self-knowledge will remind you that everybody else are scared little children too, and that will make it easier to forgive them when they screw up. And you will not believe other people who want to pretend that they have it all and know it all, and you will not be surprised when they too fall on their ass.  

And you will naturally show love and compassion to yourself and everyone, as you would naturally show love and compassion to a child.

       

         Hugh Powell
         What are the Most Difficult and Useful Things People Have to Learn in their Twenties          

SMH

I broke a promise I made to myself. I am not amused.

Blind sided

I thought what I had was the real immunity idol, turns out, it's a mere copy.

I am competitive and ambitious. I go for things I want. Career-oriented. I thought I was finally getting at something, finally getting recognized, then surprise, surprise.. I feel betrayed, definitely outplayed and blind sided.

I am never trusting anyone ever again.

You used me, but this is not me giving up, this is me being patient and refusing to EVER be used.




Watch out, the dragon is now awake.

See you, Al

Today was supposed to be a fun day. After having one day off in between 3 days/2 days of 12-hour-dayshift for almost 2 weeks, I was looking forward to two days off. It began normal. Til my bestguy mate sent me a message. The moment I read, "You heard about Al?" I felt.. weird. Then I checked my FB newsfeed. 

And there it was. 

I am trying to shake off reality over and over til it's just to real to deny. The out pour of grief and sadness was palpable that you know you just lost a valuable person in your life. Al and I got close in college. Parang kuya na kabarkada and always willing to listen. Yes, he is makulit and kalog, but he definitely did make our days better and bearable kahit corny sya lagi. After college, Al and I were never in constant communication. But whenever we have time, we make sure we get together, with the rest of my college barkada. He passed away in an exhibition flight in Nasugbu, Batangas, he was with his chief pilot during the crash. I saw the video.. and I got goosebumps knowing that it was him in the plane. Iniisip ko na lang it was a quick and pain-free death for my friend. 

I wish I was able to tell him that he is special, good natured and kind. I wish I was able to tell him he is one of the best people ever. I wish he wasn't taken away.. but Allah SWT is the Supreme Planner and I have faith that everything happens for a reason. My heart and my prayers go out to your grieving family and friends, I pray for strength for your wife and your unborn child. I promise to get to know him and in shaa Allah be able to tell him how awesome his dad was. You're awesome, 2nd Lt. Al-Nazer Jana. You will forever be missed. I love you, brother. I hope somehow this reaches you.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un.

12 words, one story

There's this boy I like,

too bad he doesn't like me back.