Another randomness coming up

Assalamualikum!

I already had my Tawi-Tawi post drafted and thought I'd publish it a couple days ago but things took a different turn, so I am delaying sharing it for now. My Mmah (Dad) was in so much pain last Monday that he got rushed to the ER and was confined for 2 days. He was diagnosed with nephrolithiasis and prior knowing this, I was crying on my way to the hospital. But he is feeling well. All praises to the Allah, the Almighty Healer. Alfatihah. 

Earlier, I was bursting with things I wanted to share. Thoughts after thoughts kept coming and I'm was like "I gotta blog this." Then, now that I am face with an empty sheet, I cannot seem to come up with words. Writer's block? As if.

So. I am going to try and right what I was thinking earlier. Just to get to find out how much I have on my plate.

• Mmah's hospitalization woke me up. I cannot continue being a bum anymore. I need to get a job and since I don't think I'd be getting any in this city, I've decided to go to Manila next month. I'd go to every agency if that's what it takes and in shaa Allah, be hired. MUST GET A JOB.
• I am actually sad that I didn't get my job back. A couple of my previous workmates in Surgical ICU told me the hospital's adding 2 nurses in the unit and well, I assumed I'd be one of the two. But I was actually fearing the responsibility that will come with the job. I wasn't feeling ready to handle the unit by myself. So, I think the rejection, as hurtful as it feels, was more of a gift to me. I am not ready to handle a most-of-the-time busy unit. Scared and not ready. But, to be honest, I do miss being a Surgical ICU nurse. :'|
• The two things I have listed above are the things you can rummage in my head. I'd like to think that maybe these are signs telling me to seek a job overseas. Before, I didn't want to leave. I wanted to just stay here and get a job here but it's impossible. I don't know anyone who could help me land a job as nurse. And maybe, just maybe, it's Allah's way of making me realize I am better than just sitting around and waiting in this city. That in shaa Allah I have a better future outside the country. 
• I have a chaotic mind. I have things i'd rather not share in this very public blog. May Allah help me through a trying personal matter I have been dealing for quite a while now. May I come out this as a better Muslimah, a much willing slave of Allah. Ameen.

My plate is full, I guess. I have been thinking and worrying a lot these days. Maybe it's the caffeine? Just kidding. And thru all this thinking I saw this and I am reminded.